Misadventures of the Akatsuki
by Blood red nin
Summary: Join Itachi, Kisame and the other Akatsuki members on their adventures gathering up the demon vessels. Be prepared for random events, OOCness and a lot of misadventures and awkward situations! Rated for language.
1. Tied to the log

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Authors Note: Hello! This was originally part of the bloopersand outtakes, but then I decided I would make it part of aseries of one-shots about the akatsuki and it's mishaps when collecting the demon vessels. So many of these (If I get more done) will be based on both Naruto and Gaara (since we don't know about any other demon vessels yet).Just to tell you I had SOOO much fun writing thisone I think it's the best oneI've ever written. I have to give credit to my friend, because she gave me the idea for it. I just wrote it out. So enjoy!

"blah"- Dialogue

_-blah_- - action

"_blah"_- thoughts

Tied to the log:

Team 7 was just pronounced genin by Kakashi, unfortunately they forgot to untie Naruto despite his screams for help. It is now 2:00 in the morning and Naruto is asleep.

Naruto: -_snore_- "Ramen…" –_snore_-

A man with red sharingan eyes and a smirk appears…watching the young shinobi helplessly tied to the log.

Itachi: _-giggles like a school girl-_ "Now is my chance!" -_slowly creeps up on Naruto-_

Itachi reaches towards him when…

Naruto: "GET AWAY FROM MY RAMEN!" -_kicks Itachi in the balls-_

Itachi: -_gasps in pain and looks to the peacefully sleeping boy while clutching his poor injured gonads-_ "Damnit! He's…too strong…and knows…my weakness…must retreat to…save….BALLS!" -_limps away slowly-_

Itachi returns 2 hours later after recovering, but this time he brings Kisame with him.

Itachi: "There he is…the Kyuubi. Now that there are two of us he will not overpower me as easily as he had before" -_stares at Naruto's sleeping form-_

Kisame: "So that's the Kyuubi brat? Doesn't look so tough, how did he know about your weakness?" _-turns to Itachi-_

Itachi: "I do not know, he is cunning, but this time I am prepared" -_turns to Kisame_- "Go ahead…give me a kick"

Kisame: -_hesitates-_ "I don't know…"

Itachi: "Just do it"

Kisame: _-Kicks Itachi in the balls-_ "Eh? Didn't it hurt?" -_shocked that there was no reaction-_

Itachi:_ -grins-_ "Nope" -_knocks on crotch-_ "I'm wearing a cup"

Kisame: "very knowledgeable"

Itachi: "I am the genius of the Uchiha clan"

Both Akatsuki members sneak up on our young sleeping hero and approach him confident they will not fail this time.

Kisame: "Let's get him!"

…unfortunately for them…

Naruto: "I SAID NO MONKEYS ARE ALLOWED!" -_kicks Kisame in the balls and head butts Itachi in the nose-_

Kisame: "OH GOD" -_grabs balls in pain-_

Itachi: "This can't be…how did he know my other weakness?" –_Attempting to stop the blood flowing from his nose_-

Kisame: "RETREAT!" _-he squeals in a high pitched voice as he waddles away Itachi right behind him-_

Itachi: "Yes…you are very cunning and strong…but remember this Kyuubi, we will return for you and…SHIT! -_Trips on the hem of his Akatsuki robe and falls flat on his face-_

Last note: Yes I have resubmitted this. It looks much cleaner then it did before. Anywho Please review and send me ideas! The more ideas I get the more I update! Thanks.

Ja ne!


	2. Shark attack

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

Authors note: Thanks to those who reviewed! Just to remind you this fic is extremely OOC and it doesn't follow any specific story line except the main one which is: Get the Kyuubi. I always write these at night so it's guaranteed that there will be spelling mistakes.

asa-chan: You should've read the summary more closely. If you read it properly it clearly said the story was OOC. So if you really don't like it then don't read it.

sToLeKyOspAnTs: Thank you soooooo much for the review -! I'm glad you liked it. It was a lot of fun to write! I absolutely LOVE your idea and I'm going to write it as soon as possible! Thank you for your support!

jounin1280: Haha thanks! That's the reaction I was hoping for -! I hope you'll like this one too.

shadows of darkness: Thanks you SO MUCH! I had a lot of fun writing it (don't know why but making Itachi OOC was a lot more fun then I thought it would be)

Thank you soooooooooo much for the reviews! They made me very happy. I'm glad that most of you like it. It's my first fic and I appreciate all the support you've given me. Alrighty now that that's all taken care of let the fic begin!

"blah"-dialogue

-_blah_- -action

**blah** - emphasis

'_blah' _- thoughts

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Shark attack:

Team 7 is in the process of escorting Tazuna-san to his home in the Wave country. Right now they are on the boat slowly passing the unfinished bridge. However there is evil lurking in the mist, and it watches them; waiting for the chance to strike.

Itachi: _-touches a bandaged nose gingerly.-_ "This time Kyuubi…you will not escape…"

Kisame: "So tell me again why I have to be the one to catch the kid?" _–He walks up to Itachi-_

Itachi: "You are from the Kirigakure Hidden Mist. Water jutsus are your specialty. It's only natural for you to be the one to go and capsize their boat. Besides I already had a shower this morning and you smell bad!"

Kisame: _-pouts and cringes-_ "But the last time . . . . ."

Itachi: _-looks to Kisame with a murderous glare-_ "The last time we were unprepared, but this time we will be so swift they won't even know what hit them."_ –He clenches fist as he watches the tiny boat glide smoothly across the water-_

Kisame: _-sweat drops-_ "Uh…last time the kid was asleep and he still kicked our asses…should I mention that he was tied up as well?" _–He looks timidly at Itachi who had a large vein pulsing on his head-_

Itachi: _-glares at Kisame-_ "I TOLD YOU ALREADY! LAST TIME WE WERE UNPREPARED! But this time…" _–He begins to cackle evilly and pulls something out of a backpack- _

Kisame: _-blank stare-_ "Y-you're not seriously going to make me wear that…are you?" -_he stares blankly at object in Itachi's hand and then moves his stare to Itachi's evil smirk-_

Itachi: "You will wear this and you will do what I tell you." _–he then points at Kisame-_ "Don't make me do **THAT**…" _–He says in a threatening voice-_

Kisame: _-wide eyed in fright-_ "You wouldn't dare!"

Itachi: _-smirk-_ "Would you like to try me?" _– He says as he puts his other hand in his pocket and searches for around for something-_

Kisame: _-he looks really scared now-_ "You're bluffing I don't believe you. Even you wouldn't sink that low." _–he crosses his arms and tries not to look or sound too frightened-_

Itachi: -_suddenly smiles-(_A/N: Itachi smiling? Not a good sign…) "Wouldn't I?" _-he begins to pull a small object out of his pocket-_

Kisame: "You wouldn't seriously consider that an option would you…?"

Itachi: "I would…" _–he says with a mischievous smirk-_ "Now Kisame…don't make me call your mother!" _– He pulls his hand out of his pocket revealing a cellular phone- (Which was the latest in the Ultra Super Evil Gadgets (USEG). Why was it evil you ask? Because of the radiation of course! Without knowing that this little device emitted strong waves of cancer causing radiation you can't properly shield yourself with chakra!)_

Kisame: _-GASP-_ "NO! I didn't get her a present for Mother's Day! She'll kill me! Please don't! I'll do anything!" _–Kisame pleads pathetically-_

Itachi: _-looks down at the pleading Kisame in satisfaction-_ "Then put it on!" _–hands him the other object-_

Kisame: _-he looks at the object in disgust-_ "But…" _–he starts to protest as he looks at the object in pure disgust- "_What if someone sees me?" _–he whines pitifully-_

Itachi: "You leave me no choice…" _-He then flips the cell phone open and begins dialing a number-_ "Let's see…7…4…3…"

Kisame: "NO ITACHI! DON'T!" _–He mutters frantically and begins to bounce on the balls of his feet looking at the cell phone in pure terror-_

Itachi: _-ignoring Kisame-_ "5…7…2…" _-looks to Kisame as his finger approaches the last number. He grins; Kisame looks as if he was going to cry-_ "3…Hello? Mrs. Hoshigake? It's me Itachi, Kisame's nakama…yes I'm good…no I don't know if he's wearing clean underwear, would you like me to ask him?"

Kisame: _-looks on in horror as Itachi begins the conversation with his mother.-_ "FINE I'LL DO IT!"_ –he yells pleadingly as Itachi smirks as he talks to Kisame's mother-_

Itachi: "I just called because Kisame says he loves you, goodbye." _–Itachi hangs up on the confused woman-_ "Now put it on." _-throws the object to Kisame- _

Kisame reluctantly takes it and goes in to the woods. After a few minutes he comes back in to the clearing but he isn't happy.

Itachi: "It suits you." _–grinning and trying not to laugh-_

Kisame: "This is embarrassing!"_ –he points to the Styrofoam fin that was now tied to his back-_

Itachi: "Stop complaining, the boat is almost to the other side of the lake hurry…oh don't forget the rest of your costume"_ –he throws the rest of Kisame's costume on him and pushes Kisame in to the cold water-_

Kisame: '_I'll kill him…I kill him, OH god that better have been a fish . . . .'_ –_He thinks as he swims towards the boat-_

**Meanwhile in the boat:**

Naruto: "WOW THE BRIDGE IS SOOO BIG…HEY WHAT'S THAT? SAKURA-CHAN DID YOU SEE THAT THING OVER THERE?" –_moves around and rocks the boat while pointing to random objects through the mist.-_

Kakashi: _-lazily reading his book-_ "Naruto please don't rock the boat…"_ –flips page of his book-_

Sakura: "Yeah Naruto shut up!"

Boat driver: "I'd sit still if I were you kid twenty children once went in the water together and half of one came out again . . ." _-says in a strange voice while rowing the boat-_

Naruto: "REALLY?" _–shocked-_

Sakura: " . . . Wha . . .Wha . . . What do you mean half of one?" _-trembles-_

Boat driver: "Exactly what it means . . . . the search and rescue team that went out to find the other kids only came back with . . . only half a body . . ."

Sakura: O.O

Naruto: "Tch! Yeah right! It's just a story!" -_knees are knocking-_ "You can't scare me with some lame ass story like that!"

-Sakura and Sasuke look at each other and shift closer to Naruto. Once they get close enough they push poor Naruto in to the water-

Naruto: _-comes up for air, sputtering- _"HEY WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

Sasuke: "Hey old man? I thought you said that if you fall in to the water you never come out?" _-glare-_

Tazuna: "Hahahahaha, it's just an old tale we tell kids to keep 'em out of the water."

Naruto: "SASUKE YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL ME!" _–shouts angrily waving a fist-_ "KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Kakashi: "Naruto don't bother me right now…I'm in the zone…" _-looks up at everyone. They can see a strange glint in his eye and decide to leave him alone for the time being.-_

Sakura: "Hey…did you hear that? It sounded like…something is moving in the water." _-squints as she looks through the mist-_

Naruto: _-looks around-_ "I didn't hear anything…"_ –begins to look freaked out_-

Sasuke: "Over there!" _–points to a spot on the water, but all they see is a ripple-_

(Jaws theme music begins to play)

Naruto: "Wh-what the hell is that!" _-yells points to a fin protruding from the water; it suddenly comes at him very fast-_ "GAAHHHHHHH…Hey it's a dolphin!"

Sasuke and Sakura peak out from behind their hands, which they had conveniently placed over their eyes. Except Sasuke was just . . . .err . . .wiping his sweat from his brow . . . he wasn't actually scared or nothing . . . .

Sakura: "It's so CUTE!" _–looks at the dolphin with sparkle's in her eyes-_ "I wonder if it does any tricks?"

Kisame: -He can't hear a word they are saying because the costume prevents that - '_What? Why aren't they frightened of me?'_

Itachi: _-watching from the shoreline with binoculars _(Using Sharingan all the time gets tiring)_-_ "What the FUCK?" _-grabs the costume box and reads the label-_ "A DOLPHIN costume? I specifically told those idiots at the costume shop I wanted a SHARK costume! How the fuck did they mix them up…? SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE!" _-yells throwing the box in the water and then dropping to the ground and banging his fists on it in a tantrum fashion-_

(9 miles away at the costume shop)

Owner: "Did you hear something just now?"

Employee: _-shrugs and continues working-_

**Back at the lake**

Naruto: "Let's see if it does any tricks" (A/N: btw he's still in the water)

Sakura: "Okay…lets see…do a spin!"

Naruto: Yeah! Spin Dolphin-chan!

Kisame: -unaware they think he's a dolphin- '_Damn I can't reach my kunai…I'll have to hit him in to unconsciousness! And the only way to build enough speed to do that would be in a drilling fashion…here goes!'_ _–he spins really fast in an attempt to drill through Naruto's stomach! Unfortunately for Kisame…-_

Naruto: "Hey he's trained!" _–watches as Kisame spins around in a would be drilling fashion-_

Kakashi: _-who was now out of his 'zone'-_ "Make it jump" _-doesn't look up from his book-_

Naruto: "Okay! JUMP!" _–he commands looking at 'Dolphin-chan'-_

Kisame: _"That didn't work…okay I'll take him under the water with me that'll get him"_

_-Kisame forces himself out of the water in an attempt to fall on top of Naruto taking him under with him, but instead he misses and belly flops-_

Sakura: "Not the most graceful jump but pretty cool." _–watches the 'Dolphin-chan' surface slowly-_

Kisame: '_Okay that really hurt…I won't be able to feel my face for a month…that's it I'll take him down the old fashion way'_ _–he thinks getting angry and swimming towards Naruto-_

Sasuke: "Let's see how smart it is…Attack Naruto" _-Sasuke says smirking coolly -_

Naruto: "Nice try Sasuke-teme, but he'll only listen to me!" _–says smugly, but then…-_ "Hey! What are you doing? HEY DON'T BITE ME!"_ –Naruto yells trying to shake the 'dolphin' off as it bites his arm-_

Kisame: _'Hah got you now Kyuubi…now to get back to Itachi…which way is he again?' __-he thinks trying to swim in the right direction while holding Naruto's arm firmly in his 'snout'-_

Naruto: -_Looks panicky as the 'Dolphin-chan'starts to move, but his panicked face turns in to a goofy grin-_ "Hah, see Sasuke-teme! He isn't trying to kill me; he's giving me a dolphin ride!"

Sasuke: _-Looks disappointed-_ "Too bad…" –_Sasuke crosses his arms and begins to thinks of another way to get Naruto killed, but at the same time not get blamed for it-_

Sakura: "Oh Naruto, maybe you should help the dolphin steer." _–she calls to Naruto in a sudden serious matter-_

Naruto: "Eh? Why do you say that Sakura-chan?" _-confused look-_

Sakura: "Because you're headed right for…never mind." _–she says sighing-_

The 'dolphin' had crashed right in to the bridges support beam that was sticking out of the water. Kisame (who was now temporarily stunned by the impact) let go of Naruto's arm and sunk right to the bottom of the lake.

Naruto: "Ahhhh…is the ride over?" _–looks around; disappointed that the dolphin had disappeared.- _

Kakashi: _-closes his book-_ "Hurry up and get back in to the boat Naruto. We have to continue our mission."

Naruto: "Roger!" _–Naruto then swims back to the boat and climbs in-_ "I wonder where Dolphin-chan went . . . Oh well . . . I'll never forget you my friend!

**Meanwhile**

Itachi: _-fished Kisame out of the water-_ "You idiot! All you had to do was bring the Kyuubi! BUT NOOOO! You went ahead and played 'DOLPHIN' games!" -_I__tachi shouts angrily at his still somewhat stunned companion-_

Kisame: "Mommy? Is that you?" _–Kisame mutters stupidly as he stares off in to space-_

Itachi: _-smirks evilly- _"So you want to talk to your mom?" _–he pulls out the cell phone and dials Kisame's moms number- _"Here it's for you."

Itachi hands Kisame the phone and runs away giggling in his school girl fashion. He then listens happily as Kisame's mothers voice rang out through the woods. Who knew that cell phone had so much power?

* * *

So how'd you like it? It probably isn't as funny as the first one, but I hope you all enjoyed it! I won't be posting for the next few weeks cause I'll be on Vacation until the 23rd of July (sad face…) I won't be writing for a while. Hopefully during that long period of time I'll get some more ideas. I already know what I'm going to do for the next one! So review and if you have a idea you'd like me to write send it to me! I like ideas! Ja ne! 


	3. Misinformation and Misunderstanding

**Third chapter already? Wow thanks for all the support guys! Also credits to Kunoichi 008! YOU'RE THE BEST!**

**DemonZabuza1: Oh goodness! Breathe BREATHE! Hehe Just kidding. I'm glad you liked it! You've made me a happy camper! Thanks for reviewing! Hope you enjoy this one! If you have ideas for another one feel free to send me some!**

**Kageenan: Thanks for reviewing! Just like before, enjoy, and if you have ideas I'm all ears!**

**sToLeKyOspAnTs: -_Fights off liver eating Sasuke with a stick-_ I'm sorry I was late in submitting this! I was faced with the worst nightmare when I went on my trip…There was no computer access! –_Gasps in horror-_So getting on the computer when I got home was almost impossible becauseI only have one computer with Internet on it and 3 other people who like to use it. Getting on my computer is like abattle you'd see on lord of the rings! AnywayI hope you like the story. Thank you sooooo much for the idea. Send some more! Thanks for reviewing! **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I've resubmitted the first chapter because After I read it I realized it was a little choppy and I made lot's of mistakes. Nothings going to change it will just look cleaner. And also Vanilla bubble tea is no longer Vanilla bubble tea. She is now Kunoichi 008. You guys gotta read her stories they're hilarious! SO hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. If I did every one would throw tomatoes at me.

**

* * *

**

**Misinformation:**

It was dark in Konoha. The streets were quiet and undisturbed. However two shadowed figures enter the scene and slip through an open window and in to an unsuspecting house.

Itachi: "Very good…we've entered undetected…Kisame stop dawdling hurry up!"

Kisame: "Well excuse me! Thanks to you, my mother yelled until my ear drum burst! Now my ear won't stop ringing and I'm off balance…OWWW WHO PUT A FUCKING TABLE THERE!" –_Kisame nurses his foot as he tries to walk straight without stubbing his toes on anymore large pieces of furniture_-

Itachi: "Here we are…" ­_–Itachi stops in front of a room_- "Here it is…Kyuubi's bedroom.." –_Itachi excitedly looks up from the piece of paper he had in front of him_-

Kisame: "You think Tsunade will notice some one had gone through her files…I mean I kind of made a mess looking for the Kyuubi kids address…and it didn't help that you carved _"Itachi was here"_ in her desk while you were waiting for me to finish pissing in her plant; don't you think she'll notice?"

Itachi: ­-_Waves a hand absentmindedly-_ "Relax my hybrid friend, I covered the carving with a brand new coaster for her sake cup, she won't notice anything, as long as she has her sake bottle she'll be detained."

Kisame: -_Casually pushes a sake bottle deeper in to his pocket-_ "Uh…right…"

Itachi: -_continues talking and ignores Kisame's now nervous face- "_I mean who would be stupid enough to steal Tsunade's sake? **Everyone **knows that if her sake went missing she'd hunt the perpetrator down and squeeze their head until their brains leak out of their ears…but we have nothing to worry about because I saw her sake bottle sitting on the table when we got there. As long as she has it she won't notice anything." –_He begins to walk down the hall quietly_-

Kisame: "Uh Itachi? I got to tell you something…I kind of took…" –_Kisame starts but is cut off by Itachi holding his hand up_-

Itachi: "Be silent underling or you'll wake him up" –_Walks in front of the door tip toe fashion-_

Kisame: -_Glares at Itachi-_

Itachi: "Who do you think you're glaring at?" –_Asks turning around and shooting his own death glare_-

Kisame: -_falters under the glare-_ "_a meanie who is mean...damn my underwear is giving me a wedgie…_I'm not glaring at anybody I saw a dust bunny on your Akatsuki uniform and…"

Itachi: "EWWWWWWWWWW A DUST BUNNY? GET IT OFF!" –_hisses and tries to slap away the 'dust bunny'_-

Kisame: -_watches Itachi attack the non-existent dust bunny, but then he realizes how he can get his revenge Kisame pulls out his cell phone. (This cell phone was a newer version of the USEG (Ultra super evil gadgets) product. Not only does it produce radiation but it is also equipped with a camera and video recording system. So Kisame happily records Itachi doing his 'destroy the dust bunny dance'-_

After a few embarrassing moments for Itachi and a few happy moments for Kisame…

Kisame: "You got it Itachi the dust bunny is gone" –_puts his cell phone away-_

Itachi: -_Stops flailing and pants slightly-_ "Okay we've wasted enough time…let's go in to some henge forms, that way if he wakes up he won't know who we are" –_Does a hand seal-_

Both Itachi and Kisame take on the Henge form of Sasuke and Kakashi.

Itachi: "Hn, my stupid little brother…He thinks he can defeat me…he will never have more fan girls then me and why would he? I'm prettier" –_looks in to a mirror that conveniently appeared because I said so-_

Kisame: -_looks at his henge form in disgust-_ "My beautiful face…" –_ignores Itachi who had begun to snicker when he said that- _"I guess this guy covers his face, for he knows that he can never be as handsome as me" –_Kisame sighs and doesn't notice Itachi turning blue from trying not to laugh out loud from Kisame's little speech-_

Itachi: "HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT! AHAHAHHAHAHAH" –_Itachi couldn't hold it anymore and he burst out laughing- _

A small moan is heard and both Akatsuki members shut up right away.

Itachi: "Shut up Kisame you'll wake up the Kyuubi!" –_Itachi hisses peeking in to the room. Kisame looks livid and is about to tell him off when Itachi covers his mouth.- _"We've wasted too much time, let's hurry" –_Itachi opens the door, They are bombarded with loud snoring. They look at each other and tip toe in to the room but notice something is wrong- _". . . It's really pink in here . ."

Kisame: "Hey Itachi? When did the Kyuubi kid get pink hair…and when did he turn in to a girl? A under developed one at that… -_observes the sleeping person sprawled out on the bed-_

Itachi: "No…this can't be…" –_he pulls the paper out of his pocket and squints at the letters. He suddenly smiles and beckons Kisame towards him. Kisame hesitates, but cautiously walks to Itachi – _"Kisame?..." ­–_Itachi starts in a sweet voice that sent shivers down Kisame's spine-_

Kisame: "…yes?..."

Itachi: -_still smiling-_ "You want to hear something funny?"

Kisame: "Uh…okay?" –_feels a pit forming in his stomach as he wonders why Itachi was suddenly so 'happy'-_

Itachi: "There's this guy I know. He works for some people and they think he's the best…well even I think he's the best because he's so smart and handsome… Anyway there was this one time; he and his ugly, and stupid acquaintance were trying to get in to some persons house. They didn't know where he lived so they went to steal the address. However when they got there they realized some thing…you want to know what it is?" –_Kisame gulps and nods-_ "They got the wrong address! HAHAHA isn't that funny?" –_Itachi asks a rather confused Kisame-_

Kisame: -_he laughs weakly and anime sweat drops- _"Hahahah…that is funny…but…"

Itachi: "Hey you want to know why I brought this story up?" –_He asks cutting Kisame off. Kisame is about to reply when…- _"BECAUSE YOU GRABBED THE WRONG FRICKEN ADDRESS! CAN'T YOU READ? THIS DOESN'T SAY UZUMAKI NARUTO! IT SAYS HARUNO SAKURA! FOOL! GOD I'M SURROUNDED BY FRICKEN IDIOTS! THROW ME A FRICKEN BONE HERE!"

Kisame: "You're going to wake her up…" –_glances at the still sleeping Sakura who had a puddle of drool forming on her pillow. Itachi is still ranting and waving the paper around screaming something about why god hates him and everyone wants him to be a idiot like them. As Kisame watches him rant he spots something on the ground and picks it up…-_

Itachi: -_He notices Kisame was no longer paying attention and stops his previous rant to start a new one; when he realizes what Kisame was holding- _"Kisame…why the hell are you holding that bra to your chest?"

Kisame: -_Squeals when he notices Itachi was now looking at him and hides the bra behind his back-_ "I'm not! I was just looking at it!" –_Kisame yells loudly-_

Itachi: -_grins evilly-_ "No you weren't. You had the thing right up against your chest! Don't deny it I had the sharingan activated I could see you clearly! –_Itachi begins to snicker evilly-_

Kisame: "I do NOT!" –_He yells pleadingly, but Itachi doesn't pay attention- _

Itachi suddenly disappears and appears behind Itachi and pulls the bra out of his grasp. He then holds it up to his own chest.

Itachi: -_He uses henge, and transforms in to Kisame- _"Look I'm Kisame and I like to wear bra's!" –_he then transforms back in to his Sasuke henge form_-

Kisame: -_Blushes furiously-_ "Stop being immature Itachi! Now give it back and let's go get the Kyuubi"

Kisame tries to change the subject as he attempts to snatch the bra back. Soon they are in a heated tug of war battle. What they don't notice is a explosive seal hidden inside the cup. They also don't notice that it ignites…at least not in time they don't. There was a loud explosion and they were sent flying out of the window. Their henge forms were still intact but they landed on an unsuspecting passerby; still clutching, a now singed and half burnt, bra. They both lie there slightly burnt, a piece of Kisame's hair was on fire. And they were both covered in burns and ash.

Itachi: "Kisame…this is all your fault" –_Is lying on the ground outside of Sakura's house covered in soot and dust. HE is looking up at the sky wondering once again why god hated him-_

Kisame: "…We will never speak of this again…agreed?" –_Also lying on the ground beside Itachi-_

Itachi: "Fine…as long as you delete that video clip you took of me before…"

Kisame: "Fine…_Heh! Yeah right!"_

Mystery person: "OI GET OFF ME!" –_A annoyed voice yells out from underneath Itachi and Kisame, who were still, by the way, in their Henge forms of Sasuke and Kakashi-_

Itachi: "RETREAT" –_Itachi abandons the singed bra and_ _leaps to his feet and runs towards the Konoha border with Kisame on his heels, not realizing who they had landed on-_

Mystery person: "What was with Sasuke-teme and Kakashi-sensei? And why were they outside Sakura-chan's house? Hey! Is this a bra? –_picks up the bra-_ (A/N: Can you guess who it is?)

Sakura: "WHAT THE HELL IS THE RUCKUS OUT HERE? Naruto? What are you doing down there…WHY ARE YOU HOLDING MY BRA? I KNEW IT WAS YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN STEALING MY BRA'S! –_She shrieks pointing at Naruto who was standing there innocently and holding the burnt bra.-_

Naruto: "WHA? NO WAY! IT WASN'T ME IT WAS SASUKE-TEME AND KAKASHI-SENSEI!" –_Yells in shock and defense as he fumbles with the bra before tossing it aside- _

Sakura: -_snorts in disbelief_- "There you go again! Not only are you blaming my Sasuke-kun, but now Kakashi-sensei? You've been hanging around Jiraiya-san too much you PERVERT!" _–Jumps down with a chakra mallet-_ "Prepare to die."

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

Want to know who really is stealing Sakura's bra's? (A/N: If you **really** like the following characters Neji, Gaara, and Shino; I suggest you heed my warning because I'm going to make them do things you might not like. You've been warned so don't bash me about it!)

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Meanwhile at the Hyuuga estate… 

Neji is sitting on his bed reading a scroll. He looks up and his byakugan is activated. He looks around and grins as he sees the last light in the house turn off. He gets up and goes to his drawer. He then pulls out…a handful of bra's!

Neji: "Finally…one day I can share my passion with the world…and be the best **cross dressing ninja** in the world! –_he holds Sakura's bra's in his hands-_ "These bra's I stole from Sakura are perfect. She always buys the extra padded ones!"

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While in the Sand… 

Gaara is standing in the kitchen over the sink. His siblings had retired for the night and since is fight with Naruto he has changed dramatically. Let's say Naruto has influenced him more then we think. For Gaara is devising a…prank…let's call it. He currently has two of Sakura's extra padded bra's and is filling up some water balloons.

Gaara: "Finally I'll get Temari back for eating the last bagel this morning…I'll also get Kankurou back for…playing with dolls…yeah that's it! Him and his stupid doll need to be taught a lesson. These are no longer called bra's…they are now called "Gaara's super duper water ballon catapults…yeah I like the sound of that" –_Gaara continues to mutter to himself as he fills up 4 water balloons reserved specifically for Temari and Kankurou. Meanwhile Shukaku is shaking his head in disgust…"-_

Shukaku: **"For some reason I feel partly responsible for this…"** –_He mutters as Gaara clips the bra's around his waist and proceeds to his 'darling' siblings rooms.-_

* * *

And finally at Shino's house: 

Shino: -_He is seated on the ground beside his bed with a pile of Sakura's bra's beside him.-_ "This cup is for Mr. Tibbles…and the one beside it is for Henry the VIII…and in this cup will be Mr. B's bed…I'd still like to know why girls wear these things…" –_Shino continues making beds for his bugs; well in to the night-_

And that solves the mystery of the missing bra's!

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**Sorry for making the characters act very…strange. I hope you liked it! Please send reviews! And ideas. Ideas are good too! Remember the moreideas I get the faster I update! Alsoread Kunoichi 008 stories! They are SOOOOO funny! Thanks. Ja ne!**


	4. Enter! Deidara and Sasori!

**Hello peoples! Sorry I'm taking so long to update! However writing these is a very long process. First I have to stop being lazy, and then I have to get my ideas together. Once that's done I take the ideas I have (Thanks those who have given me ideas Kunoichi 008, sToLeKyOspAnTs and DemonZabuza1! YOU ROCK) and try to string them together! I also have to make the stories make sense and get Kunoichi 008 to look them over for me (she's my happy BETA reader). It's a long process, but you guys are sure patient! I should probably have my bloopers updated soon (they are so hard to think of) anywho thanks all who reviewed! I heart you all! sToLeKyOspAnTs: **lmao! You come up with the craziest ideas in the world! But DON'T STOP! Your ideas are so cool and they help me update faster ! Be sure to see your idea in the next one! **DemonZabuza1: **You my friend are a genius! No one has thought of that yet, not even me! What's more is that you just thought of our first Gaara one! Congratulations! Because you thought of this brilliant idea this one is dedicated to you. Hope you enjoy! If you have any more ideas feel free to send 'em! **Shadow-sensei: **lol! Of course you wouldn't have! So how is the new Icha Icha Paradise? I heard Jiraiya had a big inspiration for it. I wonder what it was? –_thinks while looking at the sky_- Anywho hope you enjoy this one! **coolRiku: **Haha thanks! Thanks for reviewing! If you have any ideas feel free to send them to me! Enjoy!**Kunoichi 008: **Yes, I'm glad you enjoyed it my friend...Remind me to call you later!

**Thanks to all who reviewed! I hope you like this one! Feel free to review and send me ideas! Enjoy! **

(A/N: This is kind of important. The time line is going to start getting mixed up now. I know the first three were in an order of some sort, but the ideas are getting better and they are moving either forward in the timeline or backwards. So I was thinking that I'll try to put these in order as much as I can. To do that I'm going to have to switch peoples ideas around so that the stories will connect. So don't be disappointed if I haven't posted your ideas yet. They will be posted, just not yet. Thanks for your patience. **Also this chapter may contain a little spoiler!** You've been warned!** I don't like flames so don't blame me!**)

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This Chapter is Dedicated to: DemonZabuza1

You get the honor of coming up with the first Gaara idea! Congrats!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! If I did Itachi and Kisame would be like this all the time!

(A/N: This is the same night as the last chapter)

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Revenge of Gaara:

It was midnight in the sand. The Kazekage was making his way to his siblings room. He had two padded bras strapped around his waist. Each one had a over filled water balloon in each cup. His siblings had begun to piss him off. Since he couldn't kill them (One: their his siblings. Two: He didn't want to mess up his hair) he decided to take a leaf out of Naruto's book and prank them. Gaara silently made his way to his sisters room; almost giddy with anticipation.

Outside Gaara's house…mansion…whatever he lives in:

Deidara: "So he lives here…yeah…" -_the blond says observing the house/mansion from a neighboring roof-._

(A/N: Is Deidara a man? I can't tell. One manga scan says their female, the other says male…it's confusing. I personally thought he/she was a woman. If anyone can tell me I'd be grateful…I'm too lazy to check myself and I don't have a internet connection on the computer I write on!)

Sasori: "Let's make this quick…My soap opera's on and we get to find out if Matt is dead or not!"

Deidara and Sasori make their way to Gaara's house. They were flying quietly over the sleeping sound village. Suddenly…

Deidara: _-cough…hack…cough-_

Sasori: "What's the matter with you?"

Deidara: "I just swallowed a bug…yeah…"

Sasori: _-sweat drop-_ "You're an idiot."

Deidara: "So I've been told…yeah."

Sasori: "Why do you say that after every sentence?"

Deidara: "Say what…yeah?"

Sasori: "THAT! It's pissing me off!"

Deidara: "What is…yeah?"

Sasori: "You keep saying it!"

Deidara: -_looks at Sasori confused-_ "I still don't know…yeah."

Sasori: _-makes a frustrated noise-_ "YEAH!"

Deidara: "Yeah what?...yeah"

Sasori: "You keep saying YEAH!" –_yells pointing at her-_

Deidara: "Oh…"

Sasori: "Thank-"

Deidara: "…yeah"

Sasori: _-screams in frustration-_

Deidara: "fine I'll stop…word!"

Sasori: _-looks at her confused- _"What the hell did you just say?"

Deidara: "Nothing…word!"

Sasori: ­_-rubs his temples before looking back to Deidara-_ "Why are you saying 'word' at the end of your sentences?"

Deidara: "What word?...word!"

Sasori: "THAT WORD! WORD!"

Deidara: "you're confusing me…word!"

Sasori: "I am so ready to kill you right now! If you don't stop saying 'Word' at the end of every sentence I swear I'll kill you and it'll look like a bloody accident!" –_Sasori threatens-_

Deidara: _-looks disgruntled- _"What am I supposed to say after every sentence then?"

Sasori: "Something that doesn't annoy me!"

Deidara: "What doesn't annoy you?"

Sasori: "NOTHING! EVERYTHING ANNOYS ME!" –_anime vein-_

Deidara: "Fine…if you don't choose something I will" –_looks around and sees a lit candle in a window- _"…fire!"

Sasori: "Fire? Why did I get teamed up with you?" –_he moans pitifully looking up at the sky-_

Deidara: "Because no one else wanted to be teamed up with you; I didn't have a choice, because I was in the bathroom when they pulled the names out of the hat. Fire!"

Sasori: _-groans and covers his ears to Deidara's nonsense and pitiful rambling-_

The two irritable Akatsuki members land on Gaara's roof, but find themselves in a predicament.

Gaara: "who are you?" –_standing on the roof with his water balloon holsters on-_

Sasori: "Ah the Bijuu…we're here for you."

Gaara: _-observes them-_ "So…you're not here to visit?"

Sasori: -_Anime vein- "This guy is as dense as Deidara…" _–Forces a smile on his puppets mouth (A/N: Remember the real body is hiding in that puppet armor)- "No, we're here to take you to be a human sacrifice! Doesn't that sound great?" _–says sarcastically-_

Gaara: "uhh…no?" –_his hand wanders to his water balloons_- _"These guys are freakier then me…"_ -he thinks keeping his cold demeanor up-

Deidara: "Why don't you just come with us quietly…FIRE!"

Gaara: "Don't mind of I do!" _–chucks the water balloons at them-_

Sasori and Deidara, both, get hit square in the face with the water balloons.

Deidara: "OH GOD MY MASCARA IS RUNNING! Wait…this isn't water!" –_begins to itch skin_- "Why is my skin so itchy…yeah"

Sasori: "Back on that word again?"

Deidara: "SHUT UP! YEAH! IF YOU DIDN'T COMPLAIN SO MUCH WE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HIT BY THOSE WATER BALLOONS! WHICH, if you didn't notice, AREN'T FILLED WITH WATER! YEAH!"

Gaara summons his sand.

Gaara: "You guys messed up my prank…now you DIE!" _-He commands the sand to catch them-_

Sasori: -_growls_- "Time to retreat! MOVE IT!"

Deidara and Sasori jump on a clay bird and begin to fly away from the Kazekage's house/mansion…whatever it is. Deidara was still trying to figure out what the strange substance in the water balloons was.

Shukaku: **"What did you put in to those water balloons? I wasn't paying attention."**

Gaara: "Well at first I did put water in them…but then I realized that people may think there's a lot of water on this earth, but really there isn't much at all. I really didn't want to waste any more water so I went back to the kitchen and emptied them. I was trying to think of a substitute for the water when I found a whole bunch of liquid stuff under the sink!" –_he says to Shukaku who was listening very closely. Gaara didn't care if it looked like he was talking to himself-_ "So I mixed in a bunch of stuff! Vim, turpentine, vinegar, windex and I threw in some molasses and honey to make it sweet!"

Shukaku: **And you were going to throw that stuff at your siblings?" **

Gaara: "Pfft, not anymore…those two bastards forced me to use my genius techniques on them…I guess I could always put a scorpion down Temari's shirt and set Kankurou's dolls on fire…" –_Gaara mutters to himself as he goes back inside-_

Meanwhile…

Deidara: -_still scratching her skin- _"I know you blame this on me…but this is all your fault Sasori-sempai! Yeah…" –_she accuses as she continues to scratch her skin. It had begun to turn red.-_ "What the hell did that kid put in those water balloon! Why is this stuff sticky? Yeah." –_she exclaims trying to wipe the liquid off-_

A bee comes out of nowhere and lands on Deidara.

Deidara: "Get away! Yeah!" –_she smacks it, but misses and it lands on her again. Soon another bee shows up, then another one, then another one, then a WHOLE flock shows up.- _"What the hell! Yeah!"

The bees begin to land on Sasori too.

Sasori: "It seems that whatever that boy put in those balloons…is attracting bees…" –_he merely watches Deidara get attacked by bees. Since he was protected by the puppet armor; he just watched as Deidara swat at the bees pitifully._- "Damn…I don't have any popcorn…but I do have this!" –_pulls out a camera phone and happily records Deidara and her predicament.-_

THE END (for now…)

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Another chapter done! I hope you guys liked it. I tried to get as much humour in it as possible. I hope you guys don't mind the OOCness too much. I made Gaara pretty OOC…but I meant to do it! So it's all good. So if you guys have any comments and ideas; feel free to review! I always like ideas! 


	5. False accusations and a pervert

This chapter is dedicated to: sToLeKyOspAnTs

May your genius ideas never waver! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, and never will…it belongs to…-_sigh_- Masashi-san…

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Party time:

Sasuke and Kakashi were sitting in a small café/bar. It wasn't very late in Konoha; only about 8:00 p.m. They had just got an earful and a few bruises from Tsunade. The Hokage seemed to think they were the ones stealing Sakura's bras! Sasuke, who would never in a million years go near the Kunoichi's room with a 10 foot stick; out of fear she might try to kidnap him and…uh…(use your imagination). Sasuke felt bewildered about this accusation. Surely everyone would of realized now that the Uchiha prodigy was far to busy wallowing in angst to even think about touching a girls bra. Kakashi was a little more understandable, but the girl was his student and that was just so…wrong. Besides Kakashi was strictly a panties kind of guy! (That ones for you Shadow-sensei!) Sasuke, being too young to drink, was absentmindedly spinning on the barstool. Kakashi had his face in his Icha Icha paradise book. They were both silent as they tried to understand why 3 jounin on night time patrol would see both Kakashi and Sasuke fly out of Sakura's window. Apparently they landed on Naruto before fleeing. This couldn't be right, because the teacher and pupil had both been preoccupied with other things that night.

_**Sasuke Flashback:**_

_Sasuke was lying on his stomach on his bed. He looked around and when he was satisfied no one was around he began to dig under his bed. He grinned when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a very beaten, very ugly stuffed bunny. _

_**Sasuke:** _"Guess what happened today Mr. Fluffily!"_ –Sasuke started to converse with the worn bunny- _"I swore to kill Itachi…AGAIN! Isn't it great? The more I swear to kill him…the better I feel…well besides talking to you! After I talk to you I always feel better!" _-Sasuke then cuddles the bunny and begins to stroke its head as he mutters something about revenge and rainbows-_

_**Kakashi Flashback:**_

_Kakashi was in his bed room. He was pacing around just thinking about stuff. He suddenly passes his mirror and he is suddenly startled. He doubles back and sits in front of it. _

_**Kakashi:** _"Why is it so difficult…I try so hard to teach you! Have I not been a good person? Did I do something so terrible that something like this could happen? What did I do wrong…why won't you tell me what I did wrong? DAMN IT UKKI-KUN TELL ME!" –_Kakashi picks up his dead plant and shakes it, some dead leaves break off and fluttered on the surface-_ "I fed you! I watered you! HOW COULD YOU DIE ON ME! WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE?" _–Kakashi cries pitifully as he slams Ukki-kuns limp body back down on the dresser-(1)_

_**End flashbacks**_

Sasuke: "So…sensei?"

Kakashi: -_looks up from his book_- "Hm?"

Sasuke: "Did you do it…cause I didn't."

Kakashi: "No…I may act like that, but I would never steal my own student's bras."

Meanwhile:

In a small forest clearing just outside of Konoha,

Kisame: "Okay…you want to infiltrate Konoha? AGAIN!" –_painting his nails not really looking at Itachi_-

Itachi: "This time our plan cannot fail…I've devised such a plan…that no one will know who we are!"

Kisame: -_looks to Itachi in doubt-_ "But we tried that last time…and well…"

Itachi: -_Turns to Kisame-_ "Well if mister I-like-wearing-bras- didn't go and mess up everything with his I-grabbed-the-wrong-address-and-I-set-off-a-trap-that-happened-to-be-in-a-bra-which-I-shouldn't-have-touched-in-the-first-place-cause-I-am-a-stupid-ditz We would've had the Kyuubi by now and we could be living in luxury with the power obtained!"

Kisame: "I'm just saying…every plan we've done so far has ended up…bad!"

Itachi: "Well then we aren't trying hard enough then are we? Now suck it up! This plan will not fail!" –_shakes fist dramatically_-

Kisame: -_sweat drop_- "'Kay whatever…" –_continues painting his nails_-

Back in the café/bar:

Naruto shows up with Jiraiya a few minutes later.

Naruto: "Oi Sasuke-teme! I didn't think you'd be the one stealing Sakura-chan's bras!" Naruto says loudly punching Sasuke's shoulder.

Sasuke was about to strangle Naruto when Jiraiya intervenes.

Jiraiya: "Reminds me of myself as a kid…" –_Jiraiya rubs his chin and closes his eyes as he smirks at the memories_- "But I never got caught!" –_ He looks to Sasuke grinning._-

Sasuke: -_eye is twitching_- "I…DIDN'T…DO…IT!" _–he says slowly clenching his teeth_-

Jiraiya: -_winks- _"Of COURSE you didn't…" –_hands Sasuke something_-

Sasuke looks at the object in his hand and his face turns disgusted.

Sasuke: "You're fucking disgusting old man!" –_Sasuke snaps throwing the object back at Jiraiya_-

Jiraiya: "What? I'm promoting safe sex!" _–he says seriously holding up a condom_- "Unless you want to revive your clan with her…" _–Jiraiya suddenly gets a smooth smirk as Sasuke turns red_-

Naruto: -_gasps-_ "WHAT? ERO-SENNIN! DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS!"

Jiraiya: -_waves Naruto away_- "Ah relax kid. GO do something useful like get me a drink."

Naruto: "I'm not old enough to buy your alcohol!"

Jiraiya: -_frustrated sigh_- "Fine…GOD!" –_he says (kind of like Napoleon dynamite)_(2)-

Naruto sulks, but turns and sees Hinata sitting at a table a few feet away.

Naruto: "I'm going to go say hi to Hinata-chan. See you Teme, Sensei!" –_bounds over to Hinata, who almost passed out in shock of Naruto coming over to talk to her-_

Sasuke: -_sulks_- "Why didn't they bother you?" –_Asks jealously_ _and turns to sensei before getting a giant sweat drop_-

Kakashi was passed out with a large sake bottle in front of him. He snored lightly and Sasuke could see some drool forming a dark puddle on his mask. Kakashi had started to talk gibberish in his sleep so Sasuke just ignored him and glared down at a crack in the table.

Suddenly the door opens and two women come in. One was wearing a skimpy shirt and a pair of short shorts. She had long black hair in a pony tail and strangely enough sharingan eyes (Can you guess?). She seemed to be having trouble walking, because of her 5 inch high heeled shoe. Another woman came in behind her wearing equally skimpy clothes, but her skin was tinged blue and she had strange gills under her eyes. She had short hair and dark blue lips. Sasuke ignores them and tries to plot revenge against Itachi…wait…

Sasuke looked around. His Itachi radar was going off! Unfortunately all he saw in the bar were the backs of the two women who just walked in, Naruto and Hinata watching a strangely familiar woman performing on the stage, and Jiraiya sipping sake at he bar. He shrugged it off.

Sasuke: _"My radar must be broken…or those two whores are Itachi and his ugly shark friend using a henge to try and get Naruto…nah!" _–Sasuke shakes his head at the ridiculous idea and continues to glare at the crack in the table- _"Damn crack…oh you know I'm talking to you…I'll fix you…yeah that's right just sit there and take it…wussy!"_ (O.o…uhm…moving on…)

With the two strange girls:

Kisame: "Itachi this isn't working! Your brother was looking at us!" –_Kisame whispers frantically trying to keep up with his companion_-

Itachi: "Shut up!" –_He hisses back trying to adjust his bra, but not succeeding-_ "Damn it give me a hand with this!"

Kisame: "Sure…wait a minute!" _–Realizes what he was doing_-

Itachi: "Quit being such a baby! Now look for the Kyuubi!"

Jiraiya: "Well what lovely young ladies we have here!"

Both Itachi and Kisame turn and see a slightly drunk Jiraiya smiling at them.

Itachi: -_whispering frantically_- "Play along and distract him…I'll get the Kyuubi!" –_Shuffles away leaving a sceptical and slightly scared Kisame_-

**With Jiraiya and Kisame: **

Kisame: "well…uh…you're a very…withered…I mean uh…handsome YOUNG man…"

Jiraiya: -_bursts out laughing_- "I'm not just handsome! I'm also a famous writer! You know what? You could really help me with some…inspiration…would you like to help me out?"

Kisame: -_not so frightened anymore of the perverted (but he doesn't know that) Sannin_- "Sure!" –_Follows Jiraiya out of the bar_-

Meanwhile:

Itachi: "Darn, there are too many witnesses around." –_looks around at Sasuke, Kakashi, Hinata and the performer (who looked so damn familiar no one could quite figure it out)-_ "The Hyuuga heir seems to have trouble breathing…and her face is turning red…she should take some cough medicine…anyway how to obtain the Kyuubi…"

There was a sudden crash and Itachi turned to the door where he saw a horror stricken Kisame.

Kisame's demeanour suddenly turned to rage.

Kisame: "DAMN IT ITACHI DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT OLD FART JUST TRIED TO DO?"

Kisame screams in rage and stomps over to Itachi who had a large sweat drop and glanced around at everyone who was now looking at them.

Itachi: -_In a high pitched, obviously not, girly voice- _"What are you talking about Kisa…na…Yeah! Kisana what are you talking about? You know very well my name is Ita…cha…chi…yeah…Itachachi is my name and Itachachi is what I was called…at birth…yes…" –_Sweat drops and glares at Kisame as he watches everyone eye him suspiciously_-

Sasuke just returns from the bathroom and sees everyone looking at the two disgruntled woman. Not wanting to feel left out, he also sends them a glare as he walks back to his seat.

Kisame: -_in his own girly voice, which was surprisingly more girly then Itachi's, which Itachi believed to be impossible because he thinks himself to be more feminine then Kisame and…uh…let's just get to the point…I think you understand anyway…_- "That perverted old man was being…PERVERTED!" –_tries to keep his temper down, especially since Itachi was glaring at him like he used to glare at the old alarm clock he had…which, by the way, was…how should we put this…damaged beyond repair!_-

Jiraiya: "Hey where'd you go? I thought you were going to help me get inspired?"

–_Walks in to the bar with crossed arms and a pout_-

Kisame screams like a little girl and runs towards the stage. He jumps on it and knocks the performer over as he runs through the backstage door and escapes. The performer quickly picked herself up and retied her headband around her forehead, rather quickly I might add, before squeaking for everyone to have a good night and running off the, stage tripping over her high heels.

Naruto: "Come on Hinata…let's go, this place is weird…" –_grabs Hinata's hand and leads the now hyperventilating girl out of the bar_-

Itachi's eye twitches as he watches the Kyuubi vessel leave. He was about to follow when his way to the door was blocked.

Jiraiya: "How about you help me with my research its simple all you have to do is…" –_he leans in and whispers something in to Itachi's ear-_

Itachi screams equally as girly as Kisame and escapes the same way. When he got outside he tried to catch his breath while thinking.

"_I will never look at a toaster the same way again…"_

**Back in the bar**

Sasuke decided he had had enough and decided to go home.

Sasuke: "Kakashi-sensei?" –_Pokes him_-

Kakashi: "UKKI-KUN!" –_Screams and wakes up_- "I'll put you out of your misery…My poor dear friend…!" –_Clearly drunk he makes hand seals…_- "KATON GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSUS!" –_Lights the bar on fire_-

Sasuke: "Shit…" –_watches the fire spread rapidly through the bar_-

The Hokage was definitely going to be angry about this…again…

**Else where**

A young woman burst in to a room and closed the door at top speed. She sighed as she leaned on the door and rubbed her temples.

Girl: "That was too close…how come Hinata-sama was there anyway?"

The girl removes her uncomfortable outfit and dresses in to her pyjamas. There was a sudden knock at the door as the girl wipes her make up off.

Voice: "Neji? Is everything okay?"

"Yes mother. I'm fine…"

End (for now)

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1) Ukki-kun: This Is Masashi-san's dead plant.

2) Napoleon Dynamite: One of the best movies ever, you have to watch it a couple of times before you understand the humour. (I only had to watch it once and I was pissing my pants laughing!) Good movie!

If you guys don't understand that last little section of the fic then read this:

Go read Chapter 3 again.

To those who wish to kill me for making Neji act…er…strangely:

I never really intended to make Neji act like this…but I guess that's what happens when you're a Humour (heh sorry for the Canadian spelling…I'm obviously from Canada) author and the randomness attacks! I just want to tell you guys now I'm not trying to bash Neji in anyway. He's one of my favourite characters; it's all in good fun. Like I wrote before, a lot of the characters in this fic are going to have…awkward…things happen to them.

Anywho there is chapter 5. You all know what to do! If you have an idea you'd like me to write send it to me and I'll work it in. Don't be shy!


	6. Visits at the hospital

This Chapter is dedicated to: Kunoichi 008

My other half! Look! I'm not being lazy!...well kinda…-_ahem_-

Q: "Why is there a picture of Elvis on the wall?"

A: "…that was random!"

Hehe Sorry! . (inside joke) I'm so sleep deprived right now!

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto…probably will never own it…-_cries_-

Authors Note: GAH! School starts in two days…BLARGH! I hate it…I'm really sorry for being so lazy, but I've just had other things on my mind for the last few months. I really truly enjoy writing these stories…but I am so damn lazy! And my attention span is parallel to that of a gopher…(what is a gopher's attention span anyway?) Well in other words my attention span is short. I really want to thank all you guys! I was going through my stats the other day and I re-read all my reviews. I found that when I read them I felt motivated and I finished writing the last 2 chapters that day! However I didn't want to submit them just yet, because I had been planning on updating most of my stories at the same time. A new chapter of _Jobs Jobs Jobs_ and I'm submitting two new stories! One is called _It all started with a Makeover_ and I haven't really decided on a title for the second one yet, but just look out for it if your interested. Both stories are going to be humour (Sorry for the Canadian spelling...I'm obviously from Canada). I probably won't update my bloopers just yet, because 1) I have to think of some more...I only have a short list so far and 2) I'm lazy. Don't worry though I plan on updating all these stories again soon, until then, keep sending me ideas! Thank you for listening to my droning rambling, I promise not to bore you anymore! Enjoy. Ja!

(A/N: Did you read my long drabble? If you didn't at least skim over it, something important may be in there!)

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Greetings from the hospital: 

It was a beautiful sunny day in Konoha. The sun was high in the sky, the birds were frolicking and enjoying their freedom, spreading there wings as they flew over Konoha's Hospital.

However despite the beautiful summer day (btw don't know if it's currently summer…) things were not going so well.

Inside Konoha's hospital a mind filled with revenge was distracted and emotionless to his surroundings. A pink haired Kunoichi sat beside his bed peeling apples, and thought about her bed ridden teammate. Her mind wandered to her other teammate who had returned to Konoha a few days earlier with the new Hokage.

Sasuke, the bed ridden boy, could only think about his distasteful reunion with his older brother weeks prior to his current condition. He had definitely come out with the worst during his 'bonding' brotherly time. In his mind he wondered what his hateful and hated brother was doing at this very moment.

**With our dear Itachi and Kisame**

Itachi: "_WE WERE SO CLOSE…dammit…why Jiraiya and otouto-san had to show up…_"

Itachi sits in the clearing not moving nor saying anything. They had decided to rest before carrying out their latest plan to capture the Kyuubi. Itachi and Kisame, a few weeks earlier, had actually almost succeeded in capturing the Kyuubi vessel. However; as fate would have it, Jiraiya, one of the legendary three, had shown up and ruined their plan.

Kisame: "Wellwe should hurry up and capture the Kyuubi before it leaves the hospital." –_Stands up and looks over to Itachi_-

Itachi: -_sighs and gets up_- "Well we should hurry up and capture the Kyuubi before it leaves the hospital." –_Begins to walk towards Konoha's borders_-

Kisame: -_sweat drop_- "I just said that…"

Itachi: -_pauses and turns to him_- "I guess I was successfully ignoring you then." –_Turns back and continues to walk_-

Kisame: -_glare_- "_Ignoring me my ass! He just hates it when I say something before he does…_"

Itachi: "Stop glaring at me or I'll be having shark fin soup tonight and I'll tell our leader your death was a bloody accident! I'll even make it sound convincing with my exceptional acting skills." –_Sighs silently_- "_I always wanted to be an actor…damn Uchiha Shinto…how dare you say I couldn't act…hmph…ruined my dream…and everyone wonders why I killed the clan…but I showed you didn't I? You dead bastard…"_

Itachi mentally curses the dead Uchiha who slandered his acting skills as he continues on his way to the hospital.

Kisame just follows behind praying that they'll capture the Kyuubi this time. Kisame has been missing his soap opera, and tonight they were going to find out who the father was for Megan's baby. Kisame clenched his fist as he swore that he would not miss another episode of _"Days of our Shinobi."_

They manage to penetrate the village's defenses with stealth and swiftness…actually…they just traded a kid some candy for his balloons, which they hid their faces behind as they walked. They get to the hospital, but freeze when they saw Tsunade talking to a nurse in the main entrance.

Kisame: "What do we do know…?" –_he asks Itachi still hiding behind the balloon_-

Itachi: "Patience…we'll wait till she leaves…"

**2 hours later**

Kisame: -_In an extremely agitated and bored voice_- "She hasn't moved yet…"

Itachi: -_growls_- "I'm not that blind idiot…maybe I should get my eyes checked out…but the nurses may try to rape me cause I'm so pretty…"_ –stares at his reflection in the balloon-_

A person walks up to Itachi and Kisame.

(A/N: 'P' stands for person)

P: "Uh…excuse me? I couldn't help but notice for the last 2 hours you've been standing in that exact spot…"

Itachi: "I know I'm hot, but please, I don't appreciate being watched and I won't stand for a stalker!"

P: -_sweat drop_- "Actually I just thought you should know that your standing in a 'No standing zone…'"

Itachi & Kisame: -_sweat drop and glare_-

Itachi: "Well sorry! (Note the sarcasm)" –_they both move away in to some bushes that were right beside the entrance to the hospital. Then he begins to think why they hadn't hidden there in the first place…_-

Kisame: "What do we do now? Tsunade hasn't moved in the last 2 hours…"

Itachi: "Be silent I'm thinking!" –_Ponders for a second_- "We have to find a way to do it with out using chakra…so we can fight when the time comes…I got it! We'll go find that child and make him tell us where he got his balloons! Then we'll go to the place and steal them, and then use them to float on to the roof and we'll take the roof access stairs down to the Kyuubi's room!"

Kisame: -_sweat drop_- "Okay…but what if…"

Itachi: -_cuts him off_- "I know what you're thinking! What if the child refuses to tell us where he got his balloons? I'll tell you what we'll do! We'll beat him senseless until he confesses!"

Kisame: -_wipes brow_- "Phew, for a second there I thought you might've come up with something crazy and impossible!"

Itachi and Kisame go and find the little boy, from who they obtained their balloons from. Luckily the boy was quite helpful and told them where he got the balloons. From a sheer twist of luck it was free balloon day! So our two beloved Akatsuki members got as many balloons as possible. Yes, things were definitely going their way today.

They returned to the hospital with all of their balloons.

Itachi: "Ready?"

Kisame: "Yep!"

They both hold their balloons up over their heads and wait...and wait…and wait…until…

Kisame: "Um…Itachi?"

Itachi: "Yes?"

Kisame: "This isn't working…"

Itachi: "Oh it'll work you just got to believe it will!"

Kisame: -_sweat drop-_

Itachi: "HEY! HEY! See look it's working!"

Kisame looks over and his eyes widen in shock. Itachi had indeed started to float.

Kisame: "I'm sorry for doubting you!" –_Begins to believe and starts to float as well_-

They get a few feet off the ground when.

"HEADS UP!"

Two kunai hurtle towards the balloons. The Akatsuki members didn't think losing a balloon would matter so they didn't try to deter away from the kunai…Which was their mistake. The kunai didn't even hit the balloons; instead it had severed ALL of the strings they were holding, causing them to plummet those few feet back to the earth.

Itachi: "DAMN! DAMN! FUCK! DAMN!"

Kisame: "It was a good plan while it lasted…" –_plays with a blade of grass_-

Itachi: "Now how are we going to get up there…it's not like we can use our chakra to run up the wall…HEY!" –_Snaps his fingers_- "That's exactly what we'll do!"

Kisame: "But what about not using chakra?"

Itachi: "True…but…I'm lazy and I really don't want to walk back and get more balloons! Cause you see sun, plus,walking, plus, sweat,equals, Itachi and a bad hair day!"

Kisame: "I guess that makes sense…"

So Itachi and Kisame swiftly and silently make it to the roof. They landed beside the water towers and walked towards the roof top access door. It suddenly flung open.

Itachi & Kisame: "Shit…"

They both look around to find a place to hide and end up jumping in to separate water towers.

Itachi, being smart for the first time today, made a little hole in his tower so he could see what was going on. His vision was still indeed slipping, but despite the chest deep water and they horrific day he had been having (with his stupid decisions and what not) His eyes widened in excitement as he saw the Kyuubi vessel beginning to fight with his little brother!

Itachi: "Good…it's just them and that pink haired Kunoichi. Once they beat each other senseless I'll take advantage of their weakness and kidnap the Kyuubi!" (A/N: HOLY SHIT! GIVE HIM A MEDAL! IT'S HIS FIRST ACTUAL GOOD PLAN OF THE DAY!...okay continuing the story…)

**Meanwhile in the other water tower**

Kisame, who had no idea what was going on outside, was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Kisame: "I haven't bathed in weeks! This is so relaxing…and I don't have to listen to anyone's voice…peace and quiet…maybe I'll move in to here…" –_relaxes in the water and looks up at the clouds_-

**Back to Itachi**

Itachi: "I have to go tell Kisame of my plan… -_looks out the peep hole- _They seem distracted…I have to jump over to the other tower…" –_climbs up the wall using his chakra and with super fast speed jumps over to the other side, and in to the other tower-_

But…

-_BIG SPLASH_-

Itachi: -_looks around_- "Kisame? Kisame? Where are you? I swore I saw him jump in to this tower…" –_looks around and ponders on where Kisame could've gone._­-

There was suddenly a series of bubbles that made there way to the surface. Then Itachi realized that the ground was squishy.

Itachi: "oops…"

He stepped off the squishy part and on to the ground and something floated to the top.

Itachi: "Geez Kisame! I thought you had gills?" –_Pokes the large body_-

Kisame: -_turns over and stands up straight_- "I do! But you kind of landed on my head!" –_Gives him a angry look_-

Itachi: "Sorry." –_Not sounding sorry at all_- "I have a plan…" -_makes a hole and looks out, he sees Naruto and Sasuke powering up their final attacks-_ "Once they're tired and weak we'll go out and kidnap the Kyuubi!"

Kisame: "How do you know? What are they doing?" –T_ries to look out of the hole but Itachi hogs it. - _"Come on let me see!"

Itachi: "Stop pushing me!" –_He hisses and turns to him.-_

They have a shoving match, which turns in to a little fist fight until...

Itachi: -_stops suddenly_- "Do you feel that insanely large amount of chakra hurtling towards us?"

Kisame: -_stops and feels for a second_- "Yes I believe I do."

They couldn't give it a second thought, because at that moment there was a large ass explosion and both Akatsuki members were hurtling through the air.

Itachi: _"Damn...my plan was soooo good too..." _-Flies through the air and outside of Konoha's gate.

Kisame: _"We didn't get the Kyuubi...but I did have a bath! Now I won't miss my soaps!"_ –He thinks happily as he flies through the air with Itachi beside him-

They land a few yards away from Konoha's gates. Itachi managed to use his chakra and attach himself to a tree branch. Kisame did as well, but his branch broke and he landed in some bushes.

Itachi: "You okay?" –_Drops down beside him_-

Kisame: -_in a casual voice_- "Yeah...I just can't feel my ass that's all..."

Itachi: -_sighs in frustration-_ "We failed again..."

Kisame: -_still lying on the bushes as Itachi sits beside him_- "Yeah...I still can't feel my ass...can we rest at a hotel that has cable? I can't miss my soaps!"

Itachi: -_sighs again-_ "I suppose; isn't today's episode when they find out who's the father of Megan's baby?"

Kisame: "Yeah."

Itachi: "What are we waiting for?" –_Gets up and starts on his way to a hotel with cable_-

Kisame: "uhm...hey? Itachi? I still can't feel my ass here...come to think of it I can't even feel my legs...you want to help me out here?"

And so ends another Misadventure of the Akatsuki...

To be continued!

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Another chapter done. Well thank you for reading. Apparently we're not supposed to answer reviews anymore; which really sucks because it makes it hard to thank you guys for your great ideas. So I'm going to start writing dedications at the beginning of each story, and I'll thank those who reviewed in the authors note. I hope you enjoyed this one! Thanks for reading, now you know what to do! Review and send me an idea if you have some! The more ideas I get the sooner I update! Also sorry for any mistakes (this includes Grammar, spelling and what not) It's summer time…schools (ewww…-_gags and dies-_) almost starting, and I had a sleepover on Friday and I kind of didn't sleep…at all…(even ask Kunoichi 008 she was there and also didn't sleep!) so we were both tired and I'm still recovering. Thanks again for your support! Ja! 


	7. A day in the desert

This chapter is dedicated to: **DemonZabuza1**

**YES! More Sasori and Deidara ideas! You rock!

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**Authors note:** Hey guys! SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! I'm so bad at updating! I have an excuse though! Schools been a real bitch and I'm in Grade 12 this year so it's been really hectic! Anyway I've been suffering artists block as well. I can't think of anything…school is sapping my creativity to the point I can't even think of what to draw anymore…it really sucks. However I'll try my best to get this going. It also depends on if I get enough ideas that is…(hint hint wink wink) So send in those ideas! Thank you for all your reviews and ideas! They are sassy and make me titter with happiness! (Can you tell I'm slightly hyper?) Okay you're probably bored by now so I'll stop rambling.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Naruto…but I have a sassy pants Icha Icha paradise notebook!

**Warning: May contain spoilers, (major ) OOCness, Random comments, and a balloon! **

**OH and I'm starting to think Deidara's a guy…I really couldn't tell before (One manga scan said 'she' and another one said 'he'). I really didn't want to make things confusing, but in the first chapter about the Gaara and the Akatsuki I had made Deidara a woman. I don't really want to hear any complaints so I'm only going to warn you:**

**DEIDARA WILL BE A WOMAN IN THIS CHAPTER! Okay?**

**(unless you don't really care I just DON'T want to be flamed or hear anything about it later)

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_**Setting/event**_

_Thinking_

_-action or small event-_

description/talking

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A day in the desert:

Kankurou was wandering through the desert around midday on a hot Monday afternoon. He was mad, and feeling under appreciated. Gaara had tried to set his puppets on fire…again! He sighed and walked on. A small bag bumped against his leg. It was the last of the bagels he was able to steal from hells kitchen (aka from under Temari's nose)

**_Flashback to earlier that day_**

Kankurou: Hey Gaara! Have you seen my…WHAT THE HELL! –_he yells finding Gaara holding a match over Karasu_-

Gaara: I'm seeing if your doll is fire proof. –_Gaara states calmly trying to hide his sadistic grin-_

Kankurou: Let me save you the trouble by telling you HE'S NOT! –_Rushes over and tries to take Karasu away. Gaara merely blocks him with sand_-

Gaara: Aw come on. You and Temari always say the best way to learn is to experiment. I'm just experimenting…and getting revenge at the same time!

Kankurou: -_pauses-_ revenge for what? What did I do? –_asks kind of skeptical-_

Gaara: You ate the last boston cream donut this morning.

Kankurou: -_vein-_ SO?

Gaara: It was supposed to be mine.

Kankurou: I don't care if it was a monkey in bowling shoes! Give Karasu back!

Gaara: Pathetic…fine take your stupid doll! –_throws the doll at Kankurou-_

Kankurou: HE'S SCRATCHED! You know how much money I spend on cleaning materials every month!"

Gaara: Does this look like a face that cares? –_stares blankly at Kankurou-_

Kankurou:Well…well…AH SCREW YOU WITH SOME SEXUAL HARRASMENT ON TOP! –_runs out of the room carrying Karasu with him-_

Gaara: My job is done…I guess I should go put a scorpion down Temari's shirt now. –_looks at a clock-_ Yeah now should be a good time; she's all in to her soap opera and won't notice.

_**End flashback**_

Kankurou: That kids pisses me off sometimes…-_kicks a rock_-

: OWWW FUCK! FUCK! WHO THREW A ROCK AT ME YEAH?

Kankurou: -_looks over to see a blond rubbing their head_- Oh…hey sorry… -_rubs the back of his head-_

Deidara: Watch what you're doing yeah! –_glares-_ I should kill you…yeah…-_murmers_-

Kankurou: HEY! Don't you dare threaten me! Do you know who I am?"

Deidara: A weirdo who carries dolls around...yeah –_answers while glaring at Karasu_-

Kankurou: Look here bitch! Don't make fun of Karasu!

Deidara: oh yeah? I'll do what I want to do! Yeah!

Kankurou: Oh Yeah? And what do you want to do?

Deidara: -_ponders_- I want to…-_says something inaudibly-_

Kankurou: -_sweat drop- _What'd you say?"

Deidara: I want to play with your puppet…yeah?-_plays with her fingers kind of like Hinata_-

Kankurou: -_slightly surprised at the attitude change_- uh…sure?

Deidara: -_Looks up in excitement at Kankurou-_ Really? –_she squeals happily and claps her hands-_ My sempai never lets me play with his puppets…yeah.

Kankurou: -_Sighs_- Just be careful.

**5 minutes later**

Kankurou: _I can see why her sempai never lets her play with his puppets…_Hey don't do that! –_Pries a traumatized Karasu from Deidara_-

Deidara: So you're brother with the Kazekage? _And my next victim…yeah_ –_evil laugh_-

Kankurou: Yeah…it can be annoying sometimes…

Deidara: _Mwahahaha…I will fix that. Once I abduct him! _That's too bad. I hope things will get better between you guys…yeah. –_Deidara puts up a sweet smile-_

Kankurou: So why are you out here in the desert anyway?

Deidara: uhh…-_starts to sweat_- I-uh I was just out…looking…for…a…balloon yeah?

Kankurou: -_sweat drop_- A balloon? You don't have balloons from…wherever you're from?

Deidara: -_shakes head_ _frantically and obviously_- no…yeah…

Kankurou: -_ponders_- But…if you don't have balloons where you're from then how do you know about balloons? Are you lying? Are you trying to deceive me? I'm NOT stupid you know! Only one time I ever had stupid written on my forehead was because Gaara was bored while I was sleeping…_damn Naruto…he had to go and teach Gaara not to be lonely. I prefer him to be a sadistic killer rather then an immature prankster. Curse you ASHTON KUTCHER!_(1)

Deidara: -_sweat drop and acts confused at Kankurou's sudden rant_- We had travelers who came by our village with balloons…yeah that's it.

Deidara lied quickly, hoping Kankurou would buy this deception.

Kankurou: oh….-_Kankurou said simply blushing slightly-_

Deidara: _phew…that was close. Maybe I'll use this guy to get closer to Gaara…yeah _

_-gasp!-_

Deidara suddenly noticed something she hadn't before.

Deidara: Y-you…

Kankurou: I what?

Deidara: You…have…CAT EARS! –_jumped up and began touching his pointy hat_-

Kankurou: Uh…I do? –_felt the top of his head_- …why didn't I notice before! No wonder people look at me weird. I thought they just couldn't resist me. –_Kankurou exclaims in surprise_-

Deidara: W_hat's this feeling…is it…gas? No…I didn't eat anything that gives me gas, except those damn peanuts I ate earlier…or could this feeling be…–gasp- love!_

Kankurou: Are you okay? –_asks seeing Deidara's face change suddenly_-

Deidara: -_shakes head quickly_- I'm fine…yeah.

Kankurou: -_stomach growls_- I guess I'll eat my lunch… -_rummages in his bag_- Hey where did my bagel go?

**Chew chew…**

Kankurou turns in horror to see Deidara chewing on his bagel.

Kankurou: NOOOOO! MY BAGEL!

Deidara: -_stops chewing_- oops…yeah.

Kankurou: Do you know how hard it was to sneak that thing out of the house?

–_he asks Deidara in disbelief_-

Deidara: Nope. –_continues munching on the bagel not noticing Kankurou's crest fallen expression_-

Kankurou: I'm sorry…this just isn't going to work…-_turns and walks away. Deidara just watches him munching on the bagel._-

Kankurou: I CAN LOVE YOU NO MORE! I CAN NEVER FORGIVE THOSE WHO EAT MY BAGELS! –_runs away_-

Deidara: -_swallows the bagel_- Well…that plan flopped…yeah…-_Deidara looks down sadly_- _Maybe…I really do like him…or it wouldn't feel like Sasori is using his iron sand thing to stab me in the chest repeatedly…yeah…_

Kankurou stops at the village gate after running for a few minutes and looks back sadly. The wind blew and tears came to his eyes. The sun began to set and…

Deidara: Hey.

Kankurou: -_jumps in surprise and looks beside him_- What are you doing here?

Deidara: You forgot something...yeah.

Deidara threw a bag at Kankurou. Looking at it, Kankurou realized it was the bag he had the bagel in. He looked up about to say something when he noticed Deidara was gone.

Kankurou opened the bag and his eyes widened there was his bagel!

Kankurou: I'm…a huge idiot…

Kankurou walked home and opened the door; where he was met with an ear piercing scream and string of colourful curse words.

Kankurou: _Looks like Gaara managed to put a scorpion down Temari's shirt…_

Kankurou sighed and took a bite of his beloved bagel.

"GAH…what the hell? It's made of clay!"

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(1) Ashton Kutcher: (For those of you who don't know who this guy is) This actor had his own reality TV show 'Punk'd' where he played pranks on celebrities and famous people. It's pretty funny. He also starred in the sitcom 'That 70's show' as Kelso.

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Sorry for any grammar mistakes and such. I'm really tired at the moment. I've been meaning to post this for like a month, but I've never had anytime to spare. I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far! You guys rock!

P.S.

Thank you for your patience. I'm a terrible updater.

B.R.N


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